i don't even know where to begin like this whole thing is so bizarre and i'm trying to figure out why i'm reacting this way you know i'm usually so like grounded and rational but this week has just been a complete mess so i found this tiny mole on my arm a couple of weeks ago right and it's like nothing dramatic just kinda there but it bugged me so i did what anyone would do i guess and i looked it up online and suddenly i'm down this rabbit hole of atypical nevi and melanoma risks and i'm thinking oh god what if it's something really bad so i called my GP and they couldn't get me in for like three weeks and that just sent me into a spiral like a full-blown catastrophic thinking pattern and i couldn't sleep it was awful so i basically pulled every string i had i called in every favor i've ever accumulated like for real it was a scramble and somehow i managed to schedule appointments with a dermatologist a plastic surgeon and even a general surgeon all within like four days this week and i just keep telling myself it's about due diligence it's about being proactive right like i'm a high-performer i manage projects with tight deadlines i thrive under pressure but this is different it's like my executive function completely collapsed when it came to my own body and i just needed to like exhaust every single possible avenue to rule out the worst-case scenario and now after all that i'm exhausted and i feel ridiculous because they all said it's probably fine just keep an eye on it which is what the first doctor would have told me anyway and now i'm just sitting here staring at the ceiling and i'm supposed to be prepping for that Q3 performance review next week and all i can think about is this tiny mole and how i completely lost my grip for a minute and it's like what does that even mean about me you know like i'm 31 i should be focused on the next rung up the ladder or like starting a family maybe not having a complete existential meltdown over a freckle it just feels like such an irrational response for someone who prides themselves on being so in control and organized and now i'm just confused about why this hit me so hard it's unsettling like i don't even recognize this level of anxiety in myself it's not like me at all