I really don’t know why I’m even writing this, it’s not a big deal, I mean I’ve been a teacher for thirty years, almost thirty-five actually, and I’ve seen it all, absolutely everything you could imagine in a public school setting, especially in this city where things just move at a different pace, a hundred miles an hour, and you have to keep up or you get left behind, that’s just how it is. And I've always kept up, always, even when it felt like the system was trying to swallow me whole, or when the cost of living here just made every single day feel like an uphill battle, but I always found a way. So this is stupid, really, to even feel this way, but they just made me principal, finally, after all these years, and you’d think I’d be thrilled, right? Ecstatic even, but I just… I don’t know. It's the veterans, I think, the ones who’ve been here even longer than me, which is saying something, because I'm practically furniture at this point. They’re still here, still in their classrooms, some of them are even older than I am, just dug in, you know? And they all applied for the principal job too, I know they did. And now I’m the one who got it, and I’m supposed to lead them, to tell them what to do, to implement new initiatives, and I just… I can’t. Every time I walk past their classrooms, I feel this weird somatic response, like my stomach just clenches up. It’s not fear exactly, more like a profound sense of inadequacy, which is absurd given my experience, given everything I’ve accomplished. I just see their faces, those knowing looks, and I feel like they’re evaluating me, constantly, like I’m still the new kid on the block, not the woman who’s dedicated her life to this institution. It makes me feel like I’m going to screw everything up, like I’m not capable of the kind of command presence this job requires. I keep replaying conversations in my head, imagining their skepticism, their quiet judgment. It’s not like they're openly hostile, no, it’s much more subtle than that, it's the kind of subtle interpersonal dynamic that can really erode your confidence, that makes you question your own self-efficacy. And I’m just so tired of feeling like I have to prove myself again, after all this time, after everything. It's like I'm still trying to earn their respect, even though I'm technically their boss now. It’s a very strange feeling, this sad, gentle sort of intimidation, like I’m standing on quicksand and trying to pretend it’s solid ground.