You ever just kinda stare at your phone at like 2am and think about how you got here, and you know, you’re supposed to be happy cause you got the big house and the good car and the kids are doing their thing and even though your parents are getting old they’re still mostly independent, and you got the job that pays for all of it, a LOT of money actually, but then you just feel this thing, this weird disconnect like you’re watching someone else’s life and you’re just the guy playing the part, and it’s a good part, a prestigious part even, but it’s still just a part. And you spend all day, like twelve hours a day, defending these big companies, these firms with names everyone knows, and you’re GOOD at it, you know, you win, and that feels good for a second, a fleeting thing, but then you go home and you drive through the perfectly manicured lawns in the perfectly quiet suburb and you just know, deep down, that the whole damn system is rigged, and you’re the guy making sure it stays rigged for the people who already got all the money. And you see it, every single day, how the law bends and twists and breaks for the powerful, and how it just CRUSHES anyone else who gets in its way, and you’re an expert at making it bend, at finding the loopholes and the obscure precedents and the technicalities, and you get paid a fortune to do it, and you get to tell yourself it’s just how the world works, and you’re just playing the game, and if you didn’t do it someone else would, but then you look at your kids, and you wonder what they’re gonna think when they’re older, if they ever figure out what you actually DO, what you’ve built your whole life on, and you wonder if they’ll be ashamed, or if they’ll just be like, "Dad was smart, he made it work." And you can almost feel their judgment even though they don’t know any of this, and you feel this kinda cold dread and your stomach just twists, and you wonder if you’re a bad person or if this is just what being an adult is, this constant balancing act of doing what you gotta do and hating yourself for it a little bit. And you try to talk yourself out of it, tell yourself you’re just tired, or it’s the coffee, or it’s just a rough week, and you got a big case coming up and your parents need help with the new insurance forms and your neighbor just got a new outdoor kitchen so now you gotta figure out what project to start to keep up appearances and it’s just a lot, and you just kinda shut it down, that feeling, you push it down, and you get ready for another day of making sure the rich stay rich and you stay busy and everything looks good from the outside, even if inside you just feel like a cog in a machine that you secretly despise, and you wonder if anyone else feels this way, if anyone else just stares at their ceiling and feels like a fraud, and you kinda hope no one ever reads this, even though it’s anonymous, because what would they even say, you know? What could anyone even say?