I feel like I gotta say this out loud, even if no one really knows it’s me. It’s kinda… embarrassing. Like, super embarrassing. I’m almost 16, just turned it last month, and I feel like I’m losing it. Not like, breaking down or anything, but just… fading. Like a photo in the sun. My little brother, Leo, he’s 14, just started boarding school. He went away like, two months ago. It was a whole thing. Mom and Dad were all like, “He’s ready for the challenge! It’s a great opportunity!” and I was supposed to be happy for him. And I was, kinda. We fight all the time, obviously. Like, he takes my charger, he eats my snacks, he leaves his sweaty socks everywhere. Classic little brother stuff. But also… he was always just *there*. Our house feels HUGE now. Too big. Before, it was noisy, always something going on. Someone yelling for someone else, the TV always blasting some dumb cartoon he liked, the fridge door opening like fifty times an hour. Now… it’s just quiet. Like, library quiet. Sometimes I just sit in my room and it feels like the whole house is holding its breath. I used to hate how loud it was, remember? I’d put on my headphones and try to study but now… I miss it. I really, really miss it. And that’s the messed up part. Before he left, I was, like, on top of everything. I was getting straight A’s, volunteering at the animal shelter, even running for student council. I had so much energy. I’d wake up, plan my whole day, get everything done, hang out with my friends, call it a night. Like, a machine almost. My parents were always saying how proud they were, how I was so motivated, a real leader. And I believed it. I felt it. But since Leo left… everything just stopped. I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like someone unplugged me. I still go to school, obviously. I still do my homework, mostly. But it’s all just… empty. I stare at my textbooks and the words just swim around. I used to love history, remember? Now I can’t even remember what we learned last week. I got a B on my last essay. A B! I haven't gotten a B since, like, middle school. It was about the Cold War and I just… couldn’t care. My friends are starting to notice. Chloe asked me last week, “You okay? You seem kinda… out of it.” And I just mumbled something about being tired. Which is true. I’m tired all the time. But it’s not just tired from not sleeping. It’s like my brain is tired. My whole body is tired of pretending. Because I *am* pretending. I’m pretending I still care about student council, pretending I care about my grades, pretending I care about anything. Last night, I was supposed to finish my chemistry project. It’s worth like, half my grade. And I just… couldn’t. I sat at my desk, staring at the periodic table, and I felt this really weird feeling. Like, a coldness inside me. And I started thinking, what’s the point? Like, what’s the point of any of it? Getting into a good college, getting a good job… it all just sounds like more work. More things to pretend to care about. I know this sounds crazy. I know most kids my age are, like, stressed about college applications and parties and stuff. And I should be too. My parents spent SO much money on Leo’s school. They work SO hard. They expect me to do well. And I feel this massive guilt. Like I’m letting them down, letting myself down. I used to be the good one, the motivated one. Now I just feel… stuck. It’s late, like really late. Everyone else is asleep. The house is so quiet. And I’m just here, typing this out. My fingers feel heavy. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell my parents. They’d be so disappointed. They’d think something was wrong with me. Maybe there is. I just miss… I miss everything being easy. I miss feeling like I knew what I was doing. Now I just feel lost. And kinda pathetic. Yeah. Pathetic.