i just got divorced like a few months ago and im trying to figure things out but it’s just WEIRD bc i married super young right after high school and now im 20 and basically just starting college again and everything feels kinda fake. like i was with him for so long – almost 5 years which feels like forever when you’re 20 lol – and suddenly im doing all this new stuff. im in this lit class and we were talking about identity and i realized every single thing i like or do or whatever… it’s actually HIS stuff. like all my music tastes, all the movies i said i loved, even my favorite coffee place. he liked it first. and i just like, adopted it? it's not even like he MADE me like it. i just did. i guess i wanted to be like him or something, or make him happy. so if he liked indie rock, i’d listen to it until i kinda liked it too. if he hated horror movies, i’d say i hated them too even if i secretly thought they were kinda cool. and now im here, living on my own for the first time really, and someone asks me what i like to do for fun and my mind just goes totally BLANK. like what do *I* actually like? what's MY favorite color? not the one i picked bc it matched his apartment decor, or the one he thought looked good on me. what do i actually wanna do on a friday night that doesn't involve him at all? is that weird? does everyone feel this after a long relationship? i feel like im starting from scratch trying to figure out if i actually enjoy hiking or if i just said i did bc he was really into it. like every single hobby i thought i had, every preference i thought was mine, was actually just me mirroring him for fifteen years. no, wait, only five years but it feels like fifteen. it’s such a mind trip. like, am i even a person? or just a really good mimic? idk. im supposed to be studying for a midterm but im just staring at my wall thinking about how i literally don't know who i am anymore.