i just had to get this out i guess even though it feels kinda silly to type it all out here... but like i keep forgetting stuff lately. not like major stuff you know just little things but it's adding up and making me kinda freak out a bit. like earlier today i was talking to my friend olivia and she mentioned that thing we did last spring break and i just totally blanked. like i knew we did *something* fun but i could not for the life of me remember what it was. and she was like "omg remember the weird dude at the taco place" and then it clicked but it took me a good minute. and olivia is like so sharp and remembers EVERYTHING so i just kinda played it cool and acted like i was just being ~sarcastic~ or whatever. and then yesterday i was trying to find my keys for like ten minutes and they were literally in my hand the whole time. which, okay, everyone does that sometimes right? but it feels like it's happening more and more. like i'll walk into a room and completely forget why i'm there. or i'll start a sentence and then just lose my train of thought mid-word. it's not like i'm failing classes or anything but it's just... noticeable. and my mom always says "oh that's just stress" but like i don't feel THAT stressed? i mean, yeah, college is a lot but it's not like i'm losing my mind. i see all my friends, like caleb who can recite entire lectures word-for-word or emily who always knows everyone's birthday and what they got last year and everything. and they just seem so on it all the time. like their brains are just... better. and i'm only 19. i feel like i should be at my PEAK memory-wise, you know? i just worry sometimes that i'm like, getting old already or something? which sounds SO DUMB when i type it but it's a real fear. like am i just dumber than everyone else and i'm just now realizing it? it's just weird. like i used to be able to remember every single detail from a movie i watched like five years ago and now i can barely remember what i had for breakfast yesterday sometimes. and i don't want to bring it up to my friends because i feel like they'll just tease me or say i'm being dramatic. so i just kinda pretend everything's fine and laugh it off when i forget something obvious. but inside i'm kinda... panicking? a little bit. i keep thinking maybe it's the screens or something. like my brain is just overloaded from scrolling. i dunno. maybe it's just a phase. like maybe i just need more sleep or something. but it's been going on for a few months now and it's starting to really bother me. like i want to be sharp and smart and remember everything important. and i just feel like my brain is kinda... fuzzy sometimes. and i don't know what to do about it or if it's even a real problem. it just feels kinda lonely to keep it to myself, i guess.