I'm sitting here, it's gotta be almost three in the morning, and I just can't shake this feeling, this... I don't even know what to call it, it's just this heavy, awful knot in my stomach. My boy, my oldest, he just told me his marriage is completely over. Done. And I know I should be comforting him, telling him it's not his fault, that he'll find someone else, all that motherly shit, but honestly? All I can think about is me. And his dad. And how we FUCKED everything up for him. I mean, they're both grown, pushing forty now, and you'd think they'd have it figured out, wouldn't you? But no, here we are, another failed marriage in the family, and I keep replaying all the fights, all the slammed doors, all the silent treatments that went on for days when he was just a little thing. He saw it all, every goddamn bit of it. I remember one time, when he was probably six or seven, his dad and I were going at it, yelling about something stupid like whose turn it was to take out the trash, but it really wasn't about the trash, it was about everything else, you know? And our boy, he just stood in the doorway, clutching some stuffed animal, looking like he was gonna disappear into the floorboards. I saw him, I did, but I just… kept going. We both did. And now I'm thinking, did he just learn that's what love looks like? That's what marriage is? Just endless conflict, or worse, just ignoring each other until one of you can't take it anymore and bails? Because that’s basically what his dad and I did. He eventually just... packed a bag one day when I was at work and left. No note, no nothing. Just gone. The talk came later, obviously, but the leaving was just a vanishing act. And it's not like there are a million options here, you know? In a place like this, everyone knows everyone's business, and dating pools are… shallow, to say the least. So he meets this girl, they get married, and I was so, so hopeful. I really was. Thought maybe he'd break the cycle, maybe he'd actually have a happy life, a peaceful one. And now this. And I'm just so pissed off. Pissed off at myself, mostly, for not being... better. For not showing him what a real, healthy, loving relationship looks like. Because if your own damn mother and father can't even figure it out, what hope does that leave for you? What kind of example did I set? Christ.