you know when you just like sit on the floor like literally just on the floor after a day of everything and the house is quiet for once like for once all the noise stops you know i mean the noise in your head too that buzzing that like never ever stops my ma called again today all hey you need to call your uncle he’s not doing good like i’m not doing good either ma she don’t get it she thinks i got it made here no i got it made into a sandwich between her and the kids who are grown but not like grown grown like still need money grown sometimes you just wanna scream like actually scream so loud the neighbors call the cops but you don’t cause you’re a grown up now and grown ups don’t scream they just sit on the floor and eat cold takeout and pretend like it’s a Michelin star meal cause at least it’s quiet and no one is asking for anything for like five minutes or maybe ten minutes if you’re lucky and then the dog barks or the phone buzzes and it all starts again sometimes you just wonder when it’s your turn to not be the one holding everything you know like when can you just fall apart for a sec without everyone else falling apart too and my dad he’s doing that thing again where he just stares like he’s looking right through you and my brother he’s always like you gotta talk to them you gotta make them understand but they won’t understand they never will it’s too much all of it you just keep going cause what else you gonna do you just keep eating the cold noodles and hope tomorrow is less everything