I know this sounds kinda stupid and it's not a big deal really but I feel like I'm doing a bad job being a mom sometimes. My kids, they're grown, you know? They got their own lives, their own little families now. And they come over every Sunday, like clockwork. And I put on this whole show. I bake, I clean, I make sure everything is PERFECT. I smile and laugh at all their stories, even the boring ones about their bosses or whatever. And I pretend everything is just fine, great even! Like I'm this happy, busy widow who's got it all together. But underneath, it's just... hollow. My husband's been gone three years now and honestly, some days I just want to curl up in bed and not get out. But I can't let them see that. They need me to be strong. It's just, when you spend your whole life being "mom" and "wife" and then suddenly one of those things is gone and the other one doesn't really need you anymore... who are you then? I look in the mirror sometimes and don't even recognize the tired old lady staring back. All those years I thought I was happy being home, raising the kids, making a nice life. And I was, mostly. But now I wonder if I missed out on something else. Like a part of me that just got swallowed up by all the laundry and school runs and making sure everyone else was okay. And now it’s gone and I don't know how to get it back, or even if there’s anything *to* get back. I feel so guilty even thinking this. My kids are good kids, they love me. They call, they visit. What more could I ask for? But sometimes when they leave, and the house gets quiet again, that feeling of being totally alone just washes over me. And I just wanna scream, or cry, or just tell them "I'm not okay!" But I don't. I just clean up the dinner dishes, hum a little tune, and wait for next Sunday to do it all again. It's like I'm playing a part, and I'm really good at it. TOO good maybe. Because I'm pretty sure they have no idea. And part of me worries they never will.