you know that feeling when you're just like… trying to exist in a space but you also feel totally INVISIBLE? it's like you're there and you're doing the work and you're contributing but then you see all these other people around you just clicking and laughing and making inside jokes and you're just… standing on the outside looking in. like sometimes you put in all this effort and expertise into a project, right? and you nail the strategy, you lead the team through all the rough patches, you hit every target, and then the younger folks are all celebrating late-night on a group chat you weren't even invited to. you see the notifications lighting up their phones, the giggles, the shared memes, the little nods of understanding that pass between them. and you're just… watching. it's not even about the work anymore, it's about the connection that happens *after* the work, the stuff that makes people feel like they BELONG. it's not even a new thing, this feeling. i remember it from when i was still working, always feeling a step behind the latest lingo or the new social thing everyone was into. like i could do the job better than anyone but the camaraderie? that always felt out of reach. and now im back in school, which is just wild after all these years, trying to keep up with classes and papers and all the reading and it's the SAME thing. you see the study groups forming, the little social circles, the lunch plans, and you're just there, smiling politely, doing your thing. you try to make conversation, you try to join in, but it just doesn't land the same way. like you're speaking a different language or something. and you just wonder if it's always going to be like this. you spend your whole life gathering knowledge and experience and you get to this point where you're supposed to be wise or something, right? but instead you just feel like you're constantly relearning how to fit in, except you never quite do. it’s not even an age thing, really, or at least i dont think it is. it’s more like a vibe, a wavelength you're just not on. and you find yourself wondering what it is about you that makes you an outsider, always. is it something you say, something you dont say, something you just… ARE? and the answer never comes, just more late-night chats you’re not a part of.