ok so you know when like that one person just makes everything feel heavy? like you dread every single day just knowing you gotta deal with them and everything you do is just... wrong somehow? and it’s not even like they yell or nothing it’s just the LOOKS they give you and the way they pick apart every little thing and you try SO HARD to make it good enough but it never EVER is. like for months I’ve been walking around feeling like a messed up drawing? like everything I put out there is just scribbles even though I spent forever on it and tried my best. and you start to wonder if YOU are the messed up drawing you know? if like maybe they’re right and you just suck at everything and you’re never gonna be good enough for anyone. and that feeling just sits in your stomach like a cold rock all the time. and it makes you not even wanna try anymore cause why bother if it’s just gonna be wrong anyway. and then today that person just. leaves. like poof gone. they’re going to a different place across town and it was so sudden like no one even saw it coming. and you’re standing there and everyone else is all like oh wow that’s crazy huh and you’re just nodding and doing the polite smile thing but inside it’s like someone opened a window after it’s been stuffy for SO LONG. and it feels so BAD to feel that relieved you know? like you know you shouldn’t be happy that someone else is leaving their job and starting over but it’s just this HUGE whoosh of air like you didn’t even realize you were holding your breath until suddenly you’re not. and you’re like oh my god is this what normal feels like? is this what it’s like to not feel like every single thing you do is under a magnifying glass just waiting to be critiqued. and the shame of it is just. gnawing. cause like you’re supposed to be a good person and not wish bad things on people even if they kinda make your life miserable. and you know they probably didn’t mean to be like that and they probably have their own stuff going on. but still. you can’t help but feel this enormous sense of relief and it makes you feel like such a bad person for feeling it. like who even am I to feel this way? I should be feeling bad for them or something but all I can feel is this lightness and it’s really really messed up. but also. a little bit... nice. and that’s the part that really gets you.