Okay, so like, I’m typing this at, like, 2 AM, obviously, because when else do you have these thoughts, right? And it’s… I don’t know. It’s been bothering me for a while, but it sort of… hit me tonight, like, REALLY hit me. You know that feeling when something clicks, and it’s not a good click? Yeah, that. I spend, like, HOURS on my photos. HOURS. Like, not just picking the best one, but, like, editing. Smoothing. Retouching. Toning. Everything. I started doing it because, you know, everyone else does it. And then it was for engagement, I guess. More likes, more followers, all that stuff. And it worked, you know? My numbers went up. People comment, they say I look great, I’m glowing, whatever. It feels good, in the moment. Like a little hit of… something. But tonight, I was just scrolling through my feed, looking at my own pictures, and then I went to the bathroom, just to wash my face before bed. And I caught my reflection in the mirror, totally unedited, just… me. And for a second, I honest-to-god didn’t recognize myself. Like, it was me, but it wasn't the me everyone sees online. It was… different. Rougher, I guess. More tired. More real. And I just stared for a really long time, and I felt this really weird disconnect, you know? Like, who IS that person? Is that *me*? Or is it the before shot of the me I *should* be? And it’s not just the photos, actually. That’s just where it sort of… manifested itself tonight. But it’s everything, like. I used to really like, I don’t know, reading books that weren’t, like, self-help or productivity guides. And I loved painting, just for fun, even though I was terrible. But now, all my "interests" are, like, trending topics. Or things that look good in a reel. Or things that, like, fit my "brand." My apartment is full of, like, aesthetically pleasing things that I don’t even really like, but they get good content. And I talk about things I don’t really care about because they’re popular. Remember how people used to just *have* opinions? Like, genuine ones? I feel like I don't even know what mine are anymore, outside of what’s, like, generally accepted or what I’ve seen other influencers post about. I’ll be in a conversation, and someone will ask me what I think about something, and my brain just goes blank, unless it’s something I’ve, like, already seen a really good take on that I can just parrot. It’s so WEIRD. I had this conversation with my roommate the other day. We were talking about, like, what we want to do after college. And she was talking about her passion for, like, social justice and how she wants to work for a non-profit, even if it means less money. And I was just like… nodding along. And then she asked me what *my* big dream was, and I literally couldn't answer her. My "dream" is just… to be successful. And, like, visible. And make good money. But for what? To do what? I don’t even know what I’d *do* with the money, other than buy more stuff for content. It’s like I’ve spent so long curating this online person, this perfect version of me, that I’ve sort of… forgotten who the original me even was. Like, the actual, real-life, not-edited-or-filtered version. And honestly, I don’t even know if I like her anymore. Or if anyone else would. That’s the scary part, I guess. That if I stripped all that away, there wouldn't be much left. Or worse, what's left is kind of… boring? Anyone else feel this? Like, you’ve accidentally built a whole persona that has taken over your actual self? And now you’re, like, stuck being this person you created, because if you stopped, you’d lose everything you’ve built? Am I totally alone in this, or is this, like, a thing? Because it feels pretty isolating right now. And kind of… empty. Yeah. Empty.