My parents back home, my aunties here, always asking about "career trajectory." My cousin just got promoted to senior architect. My brother passed his medical boards. It’s constant. This pressure to *achieve*. To show I’m worthy of their sacrifices. So, the promotion at work. Social worker II. Requires "demonstrated leadership," "community engagement." My supervisor mentioned it. I took on three extra volunteer committees. Every single one. Refugee resettlement, youth mentorship, even the local park clean-up initiative. My evenings, my weekends—gone. I told myself it was strategic. Calculated. Showing initiative. Everyone, every single person at the agency, saw me as dedicated. Committed. But my primary caseload. My actual job. The reports are piling up. The documentation is delayed. I’m too exhausted to focus. Every day I promise myself I’ll catch up, I’ll stay late. But I just… can’t. I stare at the screen. My eyelids feel weighted. I fall asleep on the couch with my laptop still open. My clients are waiting. Their services are paused because I can’t get the paperwork done. My supervisor is asking for updates. I just mumble something about "heavy workload." She smiles. She thinks I’m a star. I feel this… disassociation. Like I’m watching myself from above. Performing. Smiling. Agreeing to more commitments. But my core responsibilities are failing. I’m a fraud. My job is to help people. But I’m failing the very people I’m supposed to serve. Is this some kind of self-sabotage? A perverse drive for external validation at the expense of internal competence? I don’t understand this pattern. This compulsion. Am I the only one who does this? Who chases external markers of success so relentlessly they cripple their actual function? This deep fatigue. This crushing guilt. Every day, every single day. I just keep digging the hole deeper.