It’s like 2 am and I can’t sleep because I feel like such a fraud all the time, you know? Like I'm supposed to be this super smart dental student and everyone’s all proud, especially my parents. They’re both doctors, like REAL doctors, and they always talk about how I'm gonna have such a good life, a "stable career" and everything. And I just... I hate it. I HATE studying. Like, I spend every single weekend holed up in my apartment, staring at these stupid textbooks about teeth and gums and all this stuff, and my brain just feels like goo. I try to focus but all I can think about is what my friends are doing, going out, actually having fun. Sometimes I just close my eyes and pretend I'm somewhere else, anywhere else. Anyone else ever feel like their whole life is just for other people? It’s been like this since high school, I guess. My dad would always be like, "Are you studying enough?" or my mom would say, "This is what it takes to get into a good program." And I just kinda… went along with it? I got good grades, always did what they wanted. It just seemed easier than fighting, you know? Like if I pushed back, it would be this HUGE THING. So I just kept my head down, got into dental school. Everyone was SO happy, throwing parties, my grandma calling all her friends. And I just smiled and nodded and felt this weird hollow feeling inside, like it wasn't even me they were celebrating. It was this idea of me. Now I’m here and it's just… relentless. All my friends are going out tonight, probably at some rooftop bar downtown, and I'm sitting here with flashcards for anatomy that I can barely even look at without wanting to cry. I text them sometimes and they’re like, "OMG wish you were here!" and I just make up some excuse about having a huge exam Monday or needing to "catch up." The worst part is sometimes my mom calls, usually on a Sunday night, and asks what I did over the weekend and I have to lie. I tell her I went to the library, studied all day, felt "really productive." And she’ll be like, "That's my girl! So proud." And I just want to scream, "I'M NOT PRODUCTIVE! I'M MISERABLE!" But I don’t. Because then I think about their faces, how happy they get when I talk about my classes, how much they’ve done for me. And then the shame just crashes down. Like, how can I be so ungrateful? They worked so hard, gave me everything, and I’m just complaining about a good opportunity? A "privileged position," like my dad says. I just feel so trapped. Like there’s no way out without disappointing everyone, without being a HUGE failure. Am I the only one who feels like they’re living someone else’s dream? Sometimes I wonder what I would even do if I wasn't doing this. Like, what do I actually LIKE? I don't even know anymore. I used to love drawing, sketching weird stuff, but I haven't picked up a pencil in years. There's just no time. No energy. Just teeth. And gums. And parents' expectations hanging over me like a cloud, all the time. I just want to disappear sometimes, just for a little while, and not have to think about any of it. But then Monday comes and it all starts again.