I deliver for one of those meal kit services now, since retirement didn't exactly align with my financial planning. It's tolerable work; the routes are typically familiar, suburban, but there's a particular bridge I have to cross sometimes, especially when heading out toward the newer developments. It's a high bridge, spanning a rather deep river, and when the weather turns, particularly with rain, the visibility becomes quite poor. The other night, during a sudden downpour, I was making my way across, the van rattling slightly, and the image became extraordinarily vivid. I saw the van, my relatively new, sensible van, veering sharply, not just drifting, but a deliberate, almost graceful swerve through the guardrail. The plunge into the dark water below was equally clear in my mind's eye. It wasn't a fleeting thought, you understand, but a sustained mental projection. I could feel the initial lurch, the sickening drop, the cold infiltration of the water. It was almost… immersive. I tightened my grip on the wheel, of course, maintained my lane, and delivered the chicken piccata and kale without incident. But the clarity of that internal simulation lingers. It wasn't despair, not exactly, nor was it a desire for self-harm in the conventional sense. It was more of an observation, a detached contemplation of a dramatic exit. The sheer force required to enact such a maneuver, the finality of it — it struck me as profoundly efficient. I've considered why this particular scenario presented itself with such undeniable force. Perhaps it's the monotony of the routine, the endless succession of identical cul-de-sacs and polite, distant interactions. Or maybe it's simply a manifestation of the underlying weariness that accumulates over decades, a quiet suggestion from some deeper, less rational part of the psyche. It's certainly not something I would ever articulate to Barbara from next door, whose meticulously kept rose bushes are a constant reminder of suburban propriety. But the image persists, an almost comforting knowledge of an alternative trajectory.