I don’t even know what I’m doing here, like posting this, but my knee is just… it’s SCREAMING, you know? And I’m 52, I’m a construction worker, I mean, I *was* a construction worker and this knee, it’s been bothering me for years, just a dull ache then a sharp stab and then it was this constant grinding sensation like two stones in a mill and now it’s just… it’s just done. Kaput. And I can’t lift, I can’t bend, I can’t even walk across a site without feeling like someone’s got a red-hot poker jammed in there and the doctor, he just says surgery, but surgery means time off, and time off means no pay, and no pay means… well, it means everything falls apart, doesn’t it? I’m studying, right now, just trying to get some kind of certificate in drafting, because I thought, *thought* I could transition, something less physical, less back-breaking, but that’s all pressure too, and the kids in the class are all like twenty and they talk about ‘algorithms’ and ‘synergy’ and I just sit there trying to decipher what they even mean while my leg is just throbbing under the desk and I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate, I mean I can’t even — whatever. It’s just this constant calculation of pain versus necessity and right now necessity is winning by a hair, but that hair is getting thinner and thinner and I feel like I’m going to snap, like the whole structure is going to give way, and then what? What happens then? I’ve worked my entire life, since I was sixteen, hands-on, always building, always creating something tangible and now my own body is betraying me, just shutting down piece by piece and I look at my hands and they’re still strong, they could still build a house, but my knee, my damn knee, it’s just this weak link, this absolute liability. And the bills just keep coming and the tuition just keeps piling up and the thought of not being able to provide, of just being… useless, it’s a physical sensation, it’s like another weight on my chest, not just the pain in my leg but this other thing, this dread that just clings to me, like damp clothes, you know? And I lie awake at 2 AM, like now, just feeling the pulse in my knee and thinking about the scaffolding, the heights, the heavy beams, all the things I can’t do anymore, all the things that defined me, all the things that paid the rent and put food on the table and now it’s just… gone. And I just stare at the ceiling and try to breathe through the ache and wonder how I got here, how this happened, how one small joint can just bring everything to a grinding halt and I don’t have an answer, just this throbbing, unrelenting pressure, and the sound of my own breathing, and the quiet fear that just keeps getting louder.