i don’t even know why i’m typing this really nobody probably cares but like my knee is just WRECKED and i cant do this anymore it’s been bad for months like just a dull ache then it got worse and now every morning i wake up and it’s like a throbbing burning thing and i just wanna cry but i can’t you know i’m supposed to be tough i’m a construction worker like i gotta lift heavy stuff all day and climb scaffolding and it used to be fine but now it’s like every step is just PAIN and i have to pretend i’m okay because if i don’t work we don’t eat and like my buddies they all joke around about getting old and stuff but this feels different like i’m only 52 but my body feels like it’s 80 and i see these young guys on the crew bouncing around and i just want to punch something because i used to be able to do that i used to be one of the best and now i’m just slow and i’m always worried about falling or dropping something heavy and hurting someone else and like my wife she says i should go to the doctor but i just can’t afford it with the deductible and everything and if i take time off i lose pay and we’re already barely making it with rent and everything in the city is so expensive it’s just this endless cycle and i don’t know how to stop it i just feel so USELESS man like i’m supposed to be the strong one the one who provides and now i feel like i’m letting everyone down i come home and i’m just wiped out totally exhausted from just trying to stand all day and i don’t have any energy for my kids or anything and i hate that i hate feeling like this and i don’t know what to do because this is all i know how to do i’ve been doing this since i was a kid practically and i don’t have any other skills really what am i gonna do like sit at a desk no way i don’t even know how to use a computer properly it’s just i’m stuck and it feels like the walls are closing in and i can’t breathe