i don’t even know why i’m typing this out like it feels so stupid and embarrassing but i just need to get it out somewhere cause i can’t talk to anyone about it like my friends would just be all oh honey that’s totally normal and you deserve this new chapter and i just know they’re thinking how lucky i am that my kids are grown and outta the house and i have all this free time now but like what IS this free time what am i supposed to do with it i used to wake up and it was all about them you know like getting breakfast ready making sure their stuff was packed for school making sure they didn’t forget their homework or their sports gear or whatever running them everywhere after school like a taxi service always thinking about what we were gonna have for dinner what groceries we needed who was gonna pick up who and now it’s just nothing it’s so quiet here all the time and i feel like i’m just floating around this house i made for everyone else and like what about ME i used to know who i was when i was doing all that but now my youngest just started at NYU they’re like living their best life meeting all these new people figuring out what they wanna be and i’m just like… here… scrolling through instagram looking at everyone else’s perfect lives feeling like such a loser it’s so dumb like i know i should be happy for them and i AM happy but it’s just this really empty feeling like i put all my energy all my everything into being a mom and now that’s kinda over and i don’t have like a backup identity or anything it’s like i lost my job or something like i’m just irrelevant now and it feels really pathetic to even say that but it’s true i just don’t know what to do with myself anymore like i have all these thoughts but nowhere to put them and it feels like i’m just kinda disappearing you know like a ghost in my own house and no one even notices i’m gone