does anyone else feel like they are just a ghost haunting their own expensive life... i am seventy six years old and i have spent every day since nineteen sixty eight pretending to be a pillar of something or other... first the infantry and then the bar and now i sit in the back of this luxury sedan parked in the shade of a parking garage between cross-examinations feeling like my skin is kind of a size too small... it is sort of quiet in here which is usually what i want but today the silence felt like it was going to swallow me whole so i did something i guess you could call it a lapse in judgment but i have been doing it for months now...