you ever get that weird pit in your stomach when something good happens but it just feels… wrong? like you know you should be happy or whatever but it’s just not computing. that’s me right now. like for weeks it’s been this whole thing at work, this big opportunity. and i thought i wanted it. i mean who wouldn’t right? more money, more responsibility, like actually doing stuff that matters instead of just being the one who makes sure everyone else has their pens and paper clips. it’s a big jump up. exec assistant to like a proper manager thing. sounds good on paper. but then the offer came. and it’s a BIG pay bump. and you just instantly think of all the ways that changes everything. like my husband, he’s been home with the kids for so long. it works for us. it just… works. you know? we found our groove. he does his stuff, i do my stuff, the kids are grown but still kinda around, it’s all… balanced. and now this? this big fat number on a piece of paper? it’s like a wrecking ball coming right at that balance. i keep thinking about what everyone will say. even my own kids. they’ll be like oh so *now* you’re making the big bucks. like it’s a competition or something. and then there’s the whole student thing too. like i’m back in school trying to get that degree i never finished. and it’s HARD. like way harder than i thought it would be. and now this on top? more hours at work, more stress, trying to study for exams when my brain is already fried from dealing with grown-up problems all day. sometimes you just want to curl up and pretend none of it is happening. like just let me do my papers and get my A-minus and be done with it. but life keeps throwing you these curveballs right when you’re already kinda wobbling. i guess i’m just worried about what it means for… us. for everything. like will my husband suddenly feel less needed? or like i’m pulling ahead? and the kids, they’re already a handful with their opinions about everything. what if they start resenting me working even more? i just keep picturing that conversation, you know? where i tell them and it’s not happy. it’s just… quiet. or worse. and i don’t know if i want that. is it stupid to turn down something good because you’re scared of how other people will feel about it? probably. but it’s just sitting there in my gut like a lead weight. i just wish someone else would make the decision for me. or just tell me what to do. idk. it’s 2am and i can’t sleep.