you ever get that feeling like you just… cant win. like no matter what you do someone’s gonna talk smack. all the time. every single day. i just got this offer for director and like, on paper it’s awesome right? big jump. more cash. good for the resume type stuff. but all i can think about is like, everyone i work with. all the other managers. the ones who already talk about who’s slacking and who’s a suck up and who got that promotion bc of xyz. you know the types. always got something to say behind your back. i mean i see it, i hear it, sometimes i even laugh at it bc it’s kinda funny how petty ppl are at our age right? like grown ass adults but still act like high schoolers. and i laugh but deep down i’m like… that’s gonna be me. that’s gonna be ME. bc right now i’m just a manager. kinda fly under the radar. do my work. get it done. the ppl above me like me. the ppl below me like me ok i think. but director? that’s like, a spotlight. that’s like, now every single thing i do is gonna be open season. every mistake, every idea, every damn email. all of it. every day. and my parents are getting older, my kids are grown but still need stuff, i’m even taking some night classes myself bc i always wanted to. so like, i already got enough on my plate. i already feel like i’m juggling chainsaws sometimes, barely keeping it together. and now this? this director thing is just gonna make it worse. way worse. i can just SEE their eyes on me. ALL THE TIME. judging. waiting for me to mess up. so like, do you take the thing that’s good for you even though it’s gonna make your life a living hell with all the ppl around you? or do you just stay where you are, comfortable-ish, but like, knowing you chickened out? i just dunno. i’m so tired of feeling like i have to perform perfectly all the time. like i need to be a goddamn superhero or something. it’s exhausting. i just wanna do my job. get my degree. go home. and not have to worry about every single person at work talking about me. ugh. sometimes i just wanna scream. laugh to keep from crying i guess. it’s just… a lot. it’s just a lot.