i just found something so fucking weird today like i was home for fall break and my dad asked me to help clear out my old room cause they want to turn it into an office or whatever (which is fine honestly i haven't slept in that room in like four years) but it was still full of all my old shit and so i'm going through boxes of like old textbooks and comic books and literally the shittiest drawings i ever did and i find this like shoebox tucked way in the back of the closet behind a bunch of those really sad trophies you get for participation. and i open it and it's full of these poems. like a STACK of them. and these aren't like good poems or anything they're actually really bad. like SUPER dramatic. all about like unrequited love and longing and how the world just doesn't UNDERSTAND and they're all addressed to this one girl. i swear i actually cringed so hard my face hurt. it was to jenna from like middle school. the one i had a huge crush on who never even looked at me twice. ever. i mean obviously. i forgot i even wrote these things. like completely erased it from my brain. i remember having a crush on her but i don't remember being that… intense? about it. i mean i must have been like 12 or 13. and i just kept them all. never sent a single one. just wrote them all out in my shittiest handwriting on lined paper like i was some kind of tortured artist. it's actually kinda hilarious now that i think about it. i showed my dad one of them cause he came in to ask if i needed help with a particularly heavy box and he just read like the first line and was like "wow buddy. dramatic much?" and i just started laughing. it was just so embarrassing but also kinda freeing? idk. like holy shit i actually used to be that person. writing terrible poems about a girl who probably didn't even know my last name. (she probably did i guess we were in the same homeroom but still) i ended up just throwing them all out. like straight into the trash. it felt good. like clearing out some old dusty part of my brain too. i still have like three exams next week and a paper due and all this actual stress but for like an hour today i just stared at these terrible poems and felt like a weight lift. it's weird. like who was that kid? i don't even know.