I guess I just gotta get this out somewhere... it's like, SUPER embarassing. Like, I’m 44. My kid is in middle school now. And I feel like a total LOSER. Still. Like, you’d think by now I’d have friends, right? Like, actual friends. Not just, like, people I kinda know from the playground when my kid was little. But no. Still just me. And my kid, which is awesome, obvi. But like, *I* don't have anyone. It’s just... all the other parents, they still hang out. Like, they'll have coffee after drop-off, or they'll text each other about school stuff, or even like, BBQ's on the weekends. I see it on Insta sometimes. Or like, I hear them talking when I'm waiting to pick up my kid. They all have their little groups. Their whole thing. And I'm just... not in it. I try to smile, I try to make eye contact, say "hey how are you," but it just feels like... a wall. Like they already have their people. And I'm just the extra. The one who's just... there. It’s not like I don't *want* to be part of it. I DO. But every time I try, it's like my words just... float away. Nobody really hears them. Or cares. Maybe it's because I don't have a regular job. Like, I do all these gig things, freelance stuff, you know? So my schedule is kinda all over the place. And I don't have benefits or anything, so money is always like, a thing. I can't just drop everything and go to brunch. Or go to that fancy coffee place. I dunno. It just feels like I'm always on the outside looking in. Like I’m back in middle school myself, standing alone at lunch. But I'm like, OLD now. This is NOT supposed to be happening. It makes me feel like such a SHIT parent, too, because my kid has friends, they're doing great, but their parent is just this sad, friendless blob. Like, what kind of example is that, right? I just want to disappear sometimes. Or like, maybe just finally figure out how to be a normal person who has friends. It seems so easy for everyone else.