I feel like I'm experiencing cognitive dissonance regarding my grandmother. She's retired, finally. Sixty-eight, I think. And every single day since she retired, she's been watching my cousin's child. My nephew. Free childcare. My cousin just *assumed* she would, because "that's what grandmothers do" for their families, especially after migrating here. It's this cultural expectation. She used to be a teacher, so she's good with kids, but she has chronic back pain. Lumbar issues. She complains about it constantly. Every visit, she's rubbing her lower back, wincing when she stands. She takes ibuprofen like it's candy. But if anyone suggests she should stop watching the baby, she gets defensive, almost offended. Says she loves him. But then, when she thinks no one's listening, I hear her on the phone with her sister back home, talking about how she wishes she could finally travel. See the world. Go to Europe, maybe visit us in the States. The dream was always to save up for retirement, then globetrek. I remember her showing us brochures when I was a kid. She never did any of that because of work, then she helped raise my younger siblings, then us grandkids. Now it's the next generation. It's this self-sacrificial loop. I don't understand why she doesn't just... say no. The baby is a handful. He's two, a real terror. He doesn't nap properly. She looks exhausted. Depleted. I feel this strange resentment towards her for not asserting her own desires, her own physical limitations. Is that wrong? To be angry that someone is choosing to be exploited, or feels obligated to be? Because it's not like my cousin couldn't afford a daycare. They absolutely could. But they don't *have* to because my grandmother is there. And she complains, but she allows it. It's this cycle of unspoken expectation and unfulfilled personal ambition, and I don't know if I'm supposed to feel sympathy, or frustration. Or both. It's disorienting.