I kinda feel like a total jerk writing this out, like it's so stupid and small compared to what other people go through but it feels HUGE to me, like it’s just swallowing me up. It’s about my parents, they’re like 50s, I guess, maybe a little older, and it’s always been SO LOUD in our apartment, especially at dinner. Like, my older sister, she’s away at college now, and my older brother, he moved out like last year, got his own place downtown which is insane cuz rent here is like wild, but yeah, it used to be like, dinner was a whole THING. My dad would be yelling about something dumb from work, my mom trying to get us all to eat our veggies, me and my brother just kinda kicking each other under the table, my sister on her phone but still somehow part of it. There was always like, music playing in the background, or the TV even, just noise, you know? Like, constant. But now, it's just me. And them. And it's SO QUIET. Like, scarily quiet. I guess it started happening a few weeks ago? No, like a month maybe. I dunno, time is weird. But I noticed it, like, properly, last Tuesday. We were eating pasta, which is usually like, a super messy, loud meal, and I looked up and it was just... silence. My dad was just kinda pushing his food around with his fork, making like, a tiny scraping sound, and my mom was just staring at her plate, kinda zoning out. I tried to say something, like "hey this pasta is kinda good" but it just sounded SO LOUD in the quiet, like it was echoing. And they just both kinda grunted, you know? Like "mm-hmm" or whatever. And then it was quiet again. For like, the whole rest of the meal. It was maybe 7:15pm, I remember looking at the clock on the microwave, and it felt like it lasted forever. And it’s been like that ever since. Every night. We eat dinner at like 6:45 or 7:00, usually. And it’s always silent. Like, you can hear the fridge hum, or the cars outside on the street, but nothing from us. It’s not even like an angry silence, which would be weird but at least it would be SOMETHING. It’s just this... empty silence. Like they don’t know what to say to each other anymore. Or to me. I try to talk, I really do. I ask my mom how her day was, or my dad if anything cool happened, but they just give me like, one-word answers, or just a tired sigh. And then they go back to being quiet. Like two statues sitting across from each other. My dad just kinda stares at the wall, my mom just kinda picks at her food, sometimes she scrolls on her phone but she doesn't even look at it, just kinda stares at the screen. It makes me feel so weird. Like, I’m kinda scared to talk now, because my voice just sounds so stupid and out of place. And I feel like it’s my fault, somehow. Like, maybe if I was more interesting, or if I had more stuff to tell them, they wouldn’t be so quiet. Or maybe they’re mad at me? I dunno. I just feel this like, HUGE weight in my chest every time dinner comes around, like I have to brace myself for the silence. And I miss the noise, even the annoying stuff. I miss my sister arguing with my brother, I miss my dad complaining about traffic, I miss my mom telling us to put our elbows off the table. It was annoying then, but now it feels like... it was everything. Like our family used to be a thing, and now it’s just... not. It makes me wanna just disappear under the table. I just wanna like, scream, or throw a plate, just to make some noise. But I don't. I just sit there too, pretending to eat, and counting the minutes until I can go back to my room and put my headphones on and forget about it. It’s like 2:17 am right now and I’m still thinking about it.