I don't even know why I'm typing this out, probably because it's like 2 am and my brain won't shut up. And also because I'm like... ASHAMED. Really super ashamed. I'm a grown man, right? Like I'm 48 and I should have my shit together but I totally don't. This is about my daughter, my only kid. She just went off to college. Like, three weeks ago now. And it's just been me and her for... forever, basically. Since she was little. Her mom and I, we split when she was a toddler, super amicable, no big drama, but I got full custody cuz her mom had to move for work, like, really far away. So it's always just been us. Our little apartment, a small place, but it was always LOUD, you know? Always music or her friends over or her doing TikToks or just talking my ear off about some stupid school drama. And I loved it. I really did. And now it's just... nothing. Silence. And I HATE it. I really do. Like, I walk into her room and it’s just neat. No clothes on the floor, no half-eaten snack wrappers under the bed, no weird art projects everywhere. Just... empty. And I miss the MESS. I miss the noise. I miss everything. I’ve tried to fill the quiet, like I put on the TV but then I'm not even watching it, just staring at the wall. Or I put on music but it just makes it worse sometimes, like, it just reminds me of all the times we danced around the living room like total idiots. God, I sound like such a loser. So the really embarrassing part is... I started doing these gig jobs, deliveries, whatever pays, you know? The freelance hustle, no benefits, totally unpredictable. And I’ve always just done it when I needed money. But now I'm doing it ALL THE TIME. Like, I’m working these stupid shifts, driving around, just to avoid being home in the quiet. I pick up extra shifts, even when I don't really need the money, like, sometimes I just do it until like 1 in the morning and then come home and just fall into bed so I don't have to THINK about the quiet. It’s better than sitting there in the dark, you know? Just me and the hum of the fridge. And then tonight... this is the really bad part. I was out driving, doing a delivery, and I just... I had this thought. This AWFUL thought. What if she comes home for Thanksgiving and it's... quiet again? Like, what if she comes back and it's not the same? What if she's changed and she doesn't want to talk my ear off anymore? Or she's too cool to dance around the living room? And then I started to like... CRY. In my car. While delivering somebody’s pizza. A grown man, crying over a pizza. HILARIOUS, right? I had to like, pull over and get it together before I handed it to them. And then I just drove around for another hour, just so I didn't have to come home. I’m literally afraid of my own apartment now. It's like a haunted house, but the ghost is just... the silence. It’s so STUPID. I know it’s stupid. But I can't stop.