I feel kinda silly posting this, like who cares about my little problems right? Everyone has stuff. But I just… I need to say it out loud even if it's just to strangers on a screen at three in the morning. I’m a nurse, been one for years. You’d think I'd be good at taking care of myself but no. My brother, he's a few years older, I spend every single weekend over at his apartment. EVERY weekend. Cleaning it. Top to bottom. Doing his laundry, scrubbing his bathroom, picking up all his junk. And then I go to the store and get him his groceries because he "doesn't have time." He just sits there playing video games or whatever while I'm doing all this. And the worst part, the absolute worst, is that he still BLAMES me for everything. If he runs out of milk mid-week? It's my fault for not buying enough. If his apartment gets messy again by Friday? "You don't clean it good enough." Like I’m his maid or something. His MOM. I have my own house, my own kids who are grown now but still need stuff, my parents are getting older and need help too. I used to think, well, he’s my brother, family helps family. That's what we do. That's how I was raised. But it’s not helping, it’s just… me doing everything for him. And I HATE it. I hate the way I feel when I leave his place every Sunday night, all wrung out and angry. I wonder if this is just what humans do. We get stuck in these patterns, right? Like a hamster on a wheel. We keep doing the same thing even when it hurts because it’s what we KNOW. And if I stopped, what would happen? Would he even notice? Or would he just find someone else to take advantage of? And then what would I DO with my weekends? It sounds dumb but I feel like I'd lose a part of myself, even though that part makes me so miserable. Like, who would I be without this burden? It’s messed up, I know. It's just… a lot to think about when you're alone with your phone at this hour.