You know that feeling when you realize you’re just… out of sync? Like everyone else is marching to a different goddamn beat and you’re stuck in the wrong cadence. That’s what it feels like right now, staring at my phone, the blue light making my apartment feel even colder. It’s 2 AM, and another group chat is popping off with "OMG, this is brilliant!" and "Why didn't we think of this sooner?!" All the junior managers, the ones I'm supposed to be leading, bonding over some late-night marketing brainstorm. And I’m just… not there. I shut it down hours ago. It’s not even that I don’t *want* to be involved. I do. I’m good at this shit. I got us through the last quarter with numbers that made the execs practically cream themselves. But it’s always these spontaneous, after-hours bursts of creativity that leave me feeling like an alien. They’ll be pinging each other at eleven, midnight, sometimes even later, throwing out ideas, making jokes, building some kind of camaraderie that I just can't seem to access. My phone buzzes, and I just look at it, a knot tightening in my stomach. The "new ideas" always seem to stem from those sessions I’m not part of. I try, sometimes. I’ll send a message, "Good stuff, team!" or "Looks promising, let's discuss tomorrow." But it’s like trying to join a conversation halfway through a complicated inside joke. You smile, you nod, but you don’t *get* it. And then I think, what the fuck am I doing? I spent years training myself to shut down when the mission was over, to compartmentalize, to sleep when I could. You learn discipline, you learn to conserve energy, you learn that there's a time and a place for everything. And now here I am, in the civilian world, and the "time and place" seems to be 1 AM on a Tuesday for these kids. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I should just power through, sacrifice a few hours of sleep, force myself to stay logged in. But honestly, the thought of it just fills me with this deadening anger. Anger at myself for not being able to just… adapt. Anger at them for making me feel like I’m some kind of corporate dinosaur for having a bedtime. Or maybe it’s just that I’m tired of trying to force myself into molds that don't fit. I did that for long enough, putting on whatever face was needed for the mission. Sometimes you just want to be yourself, and if yourself isn't up for a 1 AM brainstorm, then so be it. So I stopped responding. I stopped even opening the group chats after 9 PM. My silence is probably screaming, I know. But what else am I supposed to do? Pretend I'm not tired? Pretend I thrive on this chaotic, always-on energy? I’m the senior manager. I’m supposed to be setting the tone. But it feels like I'm the one being left out, watching from the sidelines, wondering if my contribution means less because I wasn't part of the late-night circle jerk. And the worst part is, I don’t know what to do about it. Not really.