i know this is gonna sound real stupid and like a total whiner but here goes. it’s like 2am and i can’t sleep AGAIN. moved here 6 months ago for the new director gig, big promotion, whole thing. thought it was gonna be awesome. new city, new opportunities, you know? i even bought that really expensive coffee machine for the office, trying to be the cool new boss. ha. anyway, the job itself is fine, actually pretty good. lots of annoying corporate speak and trying to hit targets that shift every week but whatever, that’s just work. the PROBLEM is outside of work. i seriously cannot get a foot in anywhere. like, i try. i really do. i went to that stupid new employee mixer where everyone was like 20 years younger than me talking about crypto and like, tiktok dances? tried to make small talk with a couple of the other managers, who are all like 40 but still, they all already had their little lunch cliques and after-work happy hour crews. i even went to that volunteer thing for the local library, thinking "perfect, older crowd, good people." but everyone already KNEW each other. they were all talking about their kids' little league games from 10 years ago and like, whose dog got into whose prize-winning petunias. i just sat there smiling and nodding like an idiot. felt like i was back in high school trying to join the popular kids’ table. which, newsflash, i wasn’t popular then either. it’s just… weird. i’m 53. my kids are grown, off doing their own thing, my parents are… well, my mom keeps calling asking if i’m eating enough. i thought this would be a fresh start. instead i just come home to this totally quiet apartment every night. i’ve tried suggesting grabbing a drink after work, or even just lunch, and everyone’s always like "oh i’m meeting so-and-so" or "gotta pick up the kids." like, i get it. everyone has lives. but i don’t feel like i have one here. i just sit here watching netflix or reading boring reports. it’s not a big deal, i know, first world problems and all that. but it’s just… lonely. and i’m tired of eating microwave meals by myself. i feel like i’m doing something wrong but i don’t even know what. am i just too old for this? too boring? i really thought at this point in life i’d have it all figured out, but nope. still stuck.