It’s like midnight or somethin and I'm just staring at the wall and my brain is totally fried but I can’t sleep cuz this one thing is just like buzzing around in my head and it feels SO stupid and wrong to even think but like…anyone else ever just totally LOSE it when something they actually WANTED happened??? Like, my youngest kid finally went to boarding school, like we planned forever and ever, and it's this super fancy place downtown and they're gonna like, become a DOCTOR or somethin amazing and it was supposed to be this HUGE relief and I even like, decorated their room for when they visit all grown up and stuff but instead it's just like…everything went quiet? And not like a good quiet, like after a storm when the air is clean, but like…when you accidentally pull the plug on the TV during a really loud movie and everything just GOES. And you’re just standing there with your hands still kinda reaching for the remote but there's nothing left to do. And I used to be like, a MACHINE, ya know? Like up at 5am, coffee, emails flying, deals getting done, like the whole city was just my personal treadmill and I was RUNNING it and now it’s like my shoes just fell off and I’m barefoot on concrete and I just wanna like, sit down in the middle of the sidewalk even though everyone's gonna stare. And I used to feel like a shark, like gotta keep moving or you die, and now I just wanna be like, a goldfish, just swimmin in circles and not thinking about anything bigger than the next little flake of food. And it's SO embarrassing cuz I'm like 58 and I've worked my whole life for this executive thing and people like, LOOK UP to me and think I'm so put together and now I just wanna like, order pizza and watch dumb shows and not ever get out of bed again. And my co-workers are all like, "Oh you must have SO much free time now!" and I just smile and nod but inside I'm like, my brain is just static now and my calendar is just this big empty grid that just mocks me. Am I the only one who feels like the air just got sucked out of their tires after like, their main THING is gone? Like you spend years pushing this massive rock up a hill and then one day it's just…at the top. And you're supposed to be celebrating but instead you just wanna lie down next to the rock and go to sleep forever. And it's not even sad, like tears sad, it's just this…flatness. Like a grey blanket over everything. And I keep thinking like, I should be DOING something, like picking up a hobby or taking a class or something productive but my body just feels heavy and my brain just feels like it's full of sand. And I just kinda float through the days and then it's night again and I'm back here staring at the ceiling and kinda wishing the quiet would just…go away.