I just need to say this and I don’t even know why I’m typing it out but it’s late and everyone’s asleep and I can’t sleep because my head just keeps going and going and I feel like I’m going to explode or something. I’m a lawyer, yeah, a lawyer, and I’m like, 50, okay, almost 50 and I have my own kids and they’re grown, mostly, and I have my mom and she’s getting old and I take care of her and I swear sometimes I just want to scream. And it’s because of my mom, always my mom, and this thing she does with the money. Like, I’m the first one, you know, first in my family to even finish college, let alone law school, and that was a big deal, and I worked my ass off, I really did, all those late nights and no social life, just studying and pushing, and I did it, I made partner, and I make good money, finally, after all these years of struggling and student loans and just getting by. And I pay for my cousins, like, a few of them, their tuition. Always have, since I started making enough. Because someone has to, right? And it’s family. And I want them to have a better shot than I did, you know? Not have to struggle so hard. But then mom, she just assumes, she just expects, like every time I get a promotion or a bonus, she finds out, somehow, I don’t even know how, but she does, and then it’s like this whole thing. This whole big deal. And it’s not just for her, not like she’s asking me for money for herself, oh no, that would be too simple, it’s for EVERYONE. For the extended family. For things. For stuff. And it’s never enough. It’s never just, “oh, that’s nice, good for you.” It’s always, “and how much are you sharing?” and “this cousin needs a new car” or “this nephew needs help with his down payment” or “we need to fix the roof on the old family house” like it’s MY house, like it’s MY responsibility. And I just got another bonus, a big one, because I closed this huge case, and I worked so hard on it, like 80-hour weeks for months, I barely saw my husband, barely saw my kids, and I was so proud, so tired, but proud. And I called mom, like I always do, to tell her, and she was happy, for a second, and then it was “oh, how much is it, honey?” and I tried to be vague, I really did, I said “enough, mom, it’s good” and she just pushed and pushed and pushed until I told her a number, and then her eyes got this glint, and she immediately started listing things, like she already had a plan. And she’s already calling people, I know she is, and telling them, and then they’ll all be calling me, all these people I barely talk to all year, suddenly my best friends, asking for favors, asking for money, and I just… I can’t. I really can’t. I wanted to use some of that money for myself, for a new roof on MY house, or to pay off the last of my kids’ student loans, because I want to help them, my OWN kids, or maybe even just a vacation with my husband, we haven’t had one in years, seriously, like years. But now I know it’s just going to disappear, go to everyone else. And if I say no, if I try to say, “mom, I need some of this,” she’ll make me feel like the worst person on earth. She’ll say I’ve forgotten where I came from, that I’m being selfish, that I don’t care about family, and that cuts so deep, you know? Because I DO care. That’s why I do it in the first place. That’s why I’ve been doing it for so long. But it’s never enough and it feels like a bottomless pit and I’m just pouring my life into it. And I feel like such a bad person for even thinking this, for complaining, because I have so much, I really do, but I’m just so tired. So tired of being the bank. So tired of being the responsible one for everyone else. I just want to be able to enjoy my own success, for once. Just for a little bit. Without the immediate pressure to give it all away. Without feeling like I owe everyone everything, just because I worked hard and made something of myself. Like it’s a punishment, not a reward. And I know she’s proud of me, in her own way, but it feels like her pride is tied to what I can *provide* for the family, not just for who I am. And that really hurts. It just really, really hurts. And I don’t know how to stop it without breaking her heart, and mine too, because I love her, but this is killing me. This is actually killing me.