Okay, seriously, am I the only one who sometimes just… breaks? Not outwardly, obviously. I’m talking about some kind of internal, instantaneous implosion of all social decorum and the thin veneer of civility we humans operate under. Because last week, I was at the fucking library — a place I used to LOVE, a place I literally considered my sanctuary before… well, before everything became about scheduling nap times and pureed carrots — and I’m standing behind this woman at the checkout. She’s quiet, just waiting, holding a few paperbacks. And out of NOWHERE, my brain just conjures up the most aggressively offensive, absolutely unhinged series of insults I could possibly imagine. Like, targeting everything from her perceived intelligence to her hygiene to her entire lineage. Just a rapid-fire volley of pure, concentrated, unadulterated *bile*. And it wasn’t even directed at her specifically, you know? She was just… there. A proxy for something. And the thing is, I didn’t *feel* angry. I wasn’t even annoyed by her. It was this weird, almost academic exercise in depravity. Like my id just decided to take the reins for a millisecond and scream, “THIS IS WHAT’S UNDERNEATH, BITCHES!” And then it was gone. Just as quickly as it arrived, poof. I just stood there, completely still, probably with a serene, vaguely vacant look on my face, while inside I was like, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!” It’s this terrifying, alien feeling, like catching a glimpse of a different organism piloting your own body. This primal, aggressive thing that I don’t recognize, that doesn’t fit with the carefully constructed identity of “kind, gentle, suburban mom-person” that I’ve meticulously built. Is this what happens when you’re isolated? When your intellectual stimulation consists of reading board books and trying to decipher the emotional states of a non-verbal tiny human? Does the suppression of so much *self* just create these volatile pockets of pure, unadulterated rage that then erupt in these silent, internal screams? Because I feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind sometimes. Like there’s this gaping chasm between who I am now and who I used to be, and occasionally, something absolutely grotesque just crawls out of that gap and whispers obscenities in my brain. Anyone else get these disassociative bursts of pure, unadulterated anti-social fantasy? Or am I just... uniquely fucked up?