okay so like sometimes you just stumble on something and it throws you for a LOOP you know like a total unexpected gut punch i was actually trying to clean out my parents' attic this weekend because my mom keeps nagging me about all my old boxes she wants the space back for like holiday decorations whatever and i found this super old photo album tucked away behind a bunch of dusty board games and like, a badminton set i forgot we even had and i open it right like thinking oh fun memories right a cute little trip down memory lane and it’s pictures from when i was like fifteen sixteen and oh my god you guys it’s BAD i mean like REALLY BAD i’m talking heavy heavy black eyeliner so thick it probably took me like twenty minutes just for one eye and those like spiked collars and wristbands and my hair was always like dyed black and really choppy and i guess i thought i was like a misunderstood vampire or something because there are so many pictures of me like brooding dramatically in a graveyard or in front of a tree looking like i was about to launch into some deeply profound poetry about the darkness of the soul and i just sat there on the dusty floor of the attic like mouth open just staring at this kid this totally different person who was ME and like i remember it you know i remember feeling so intensely that nobody got me and i was so ~deep~ and special and i’d complain about like my parents not understanding my artistic vision or whatever and now i’m like a marketing executive wearing blazers and talking about Q4 projections and performance reviews and you know like office politics and suddenly it’s just this really WEIRD feeling this disconnect like who even was that person and how did they become THIS person you know and i can’t even imagine like my boss or my coworkers seeing these photos they would literally think i was insane which like maybe i was but it just feels so far away from who i am now but then also like it IS me still right and it’s just a lot to think about especially at like two in the morning when you’re supposed to be sleeping but you just keep seeing that kid with the terrible eyeliner and the scowl and the spikes and it’s just really making me question things i guess