you spend years trying to be the perfect kid for parents who moved across the world just to put you in these classrooms and then you find a girl who finally makes you feel like you're actually a real person. you think she’s it because she gets why you have to work at the shop every weekend and why you’re studying things you hate just to keep the peace at home. you give her every single scrap of yourself that your family hasn't already taken and you really think that's going to be enough to make it work forever. then you're sitting in the campus cafe on a tuesday and it's so LOUD with everyone screaming over their lattes and the machines hissing but suddenly everything just drops off into total silence. you're looking at her across this tiny little wooden table and her mouth is moving but the sound isn't reaching your ears at all. it's like you're watching a movie with the volume turned all the way down and you're just seeing her eyes get all shiny and her hands shaking while she grips her cup too hard. you know that feeling when you realize you don't actually care anymore. she’s saying we want different things and she can’t keep waiting for you to stand up to your mom but all you're doing is noticing the way the light hits the dust in the air. I’m watching her cry and I feel like I’m sitting ten rows back in a theater just waiting for it to be over.