I feel like such an idiot even typing this out you know but I just can’t stop thinking about it and I probably shouldn’t have come here but like where else do you even go with something like this because everyone else is just gonna think I’m crazy or like super shallow or something and I’m NOT I just… I don’t even know what I am right now. It was my rehearsal dinner last night and I literally didn’t eat anything not a single bite I just sat there you know and everyone kept asking if I was okay or if the food was bad and I just kept saying oh no it’s great I’m just so excited I can’t eat but really I was just like terrified. Like I spent so much money on this dress you guys like SO much money and it’s like custom-fitted and I had the final fitting last week and it was like PERFECT I mean absolutely perfect it zipped up like a dream and it felt so good and I just had this picture in my head you know of walking down the aisle feeling like a movie star and like a bride should feel and then I saw the menu for the rehearsal dinner and it was like pasta and bread and all this stuff that just like makes you feel fluffy you know. And I just had this sudden panic attack practically right there in the restaurant because what if I ate it and then tomorrow the dress wouldn’t fit and I’d be like busting out of it or it’d feel tight and I’d be uncomfortable and it would just RUIN everything. So I just didn't eat. I pretended to pick at my plate and like moved things around and took a few sips of water and everyone was like oh you look so stressed you need to eat something and my fiancé kept asking if I was okay and like putting his hand on my knee and I just kept smiling and saying no no I'm fine just nerves you know and trying to make it look like I was having the best time ever but inside I was like literally dying of hunger and just praying nobody would notice and I think they did notice a little bit because my mom gave me this look like what are you DOING but she didn't say anything because she knows how I get. And now it's like 2 am and I'm lying here in bed and my stomach is like growling so loud I swear my fiancé could hear it from the other side of the room but he's asleep and I’m just thinking about all that food I missed out on and how stupid this whole thing is. Like I'm 48 years old I'm not some like teenager worried about a prom dress you know I've got grown kids and I manage a whole department at work and I have to give performance reviews and deal with like corporate politics every day and I'm supposed to be like a grown-up and here I am literally starving myself for a dress. It’s so pathetic. And I know tomorrow the dress will probably fit fine anyway whether I ate or not and it probably wouldn’t have made a difference and now I just feel like weak and hungry and kind of mad at myself but also still like a tiny bit relieved that I didn’t risk it. Is that so bad? To just want one day to feel perfect and not worry about something stupid like a dress being too tight? But then I think about like what if someone asks me about it later or like what if my fiancé figured it out or what if my mom tells my sister. I just feel like such a mess right now and I should be excited for tomorrow and instead I'm just here feeling guilty and hungry.