I think maybe I’m a bad person. I’ve been sitting here in the dark for like two hours just staring at my sketchpad because I can’t even pick up a pencil right now. My hands feel all shaky and weird. I work at the mall... at that clothing store with the loud music and the way too bright lights. I’m only seventeen so being a shift lead is supposed to be this big deal I guess. My mom was so happy when I got the keys but lately it just feels like I’m wearing a mask that’s too tight and I can’t breathe. We really need the money. Like... really need it. My mom’s hours got cut at the warehouse and my art supplies are so expensive and I just want to go to school for design one day but that feels like a dream for a different kid. Not for me. So when the District Manager—her name is Sarah and she wears these suits that look like they cost more than my car—said there was a spot opening up for an assistant manager... I don't know. I thought maybe I could finally stop worrying about the electric bill if I got it. But the thing is... Leo and Sam work there too. They’re my friends. Like, real friends. We used to hide in the stockroom and talk about music and Leo would give me his extra fries from the food court because he knew I didn't bring a lunch half the time. We were a team. We were supposed to be "us against the world" or whatever. But during the interview today with Sarah... I don't know what happened to me. I turned into someone else. Someone mean. Someone I don't even know. Sarah asked me about the "team dynamic" and instead of saying how great they are, I started talking about how I’m the only one who actually stays late to fix the displays. I told her how I have to keep everyone "on track" because they get distracted. I even mentioned that time Leo forgot to sensor the new shipment of denim. Why did I do that? I knew he was just tired because his sister was sick. But I just kept talking and talking and I could see her nodding and writing things down in her little leather notebook. I felt like a SHARK. I felt EVIL. The worst part is that I liked it for a second. Seeing her look at me like I was "manager material" felt good because I’ve never been good at anything besides drawing weird characters in the back of my notebooks. For ten minutes I wasn't just some kid in hand-me-down shoes. I was a professional. I felt powerful. But then I walked out and saw Sam folding shirts and she smiled at me... she asked "How'd it go, boss?" and I just felt like I wanted to throw up right there on the linoleum. I just mumbled something and ran to the back. The store felt so small after that. The music was too loud—that one pop song they play every twenty minutes—and it felt like the walls were closing in. I had to go to the bathroom just to splash water on my face. I looked in the mirror and didn't even recognize myself. I looked like a liar. I AM a liar. I’m willing to step on the only people who actually care about me just so I can get a three dollar raise and a title that sounds fancy to people I don't even like. I feel like I sold my soul for a polyester polo shirt. I think maybe I’m not an artist anymore. Artists are supposed to see the beauty in things, right? But all I see now is numbers and how to get ahead. My sketchbook is sitting on my floor and it feels like it’s judging me. I used to draw Leo and Sam during our breaks... I have a whole page of Leo laughing. And now I’m the reason his job might be at risk if Sarah decides he’s "not focused enough" based on what I said. I’m so scared. I’m scared of who I’m turning into and I'm scared I'll never be able to draw anything good again because my heart is all black and shriveled up. I don't know if I can go back tomorrow. I have to, though. We need the rent money. But I have to look them in the eyes and pretend I’m still the same person. I’m not. I’m a snake. I keep thinking about what happens if I get the job... I’ll have to tell them what to do. I’ll have to write them up if they’re late. I’ll be the person they hide from in the stockroom. I don’t think I want to be that person but I don't know how to stop it now. It’s already happening. I think I’ve already lost them and I didn't even get the promotion yet... I'm just alone.