I feel like a total idiot even writing this down. I mean, who cares, right? Just another person complaining about their life. But it’s late and everyone’s asleep and I can’t stop thinking about it. My partner, he’s a software engineer. Smart guy. Makes good money. We’ve been together a long time, raised our kids, the whole thing. Now the kids are GROWN, one’s in college, the other’s got his own place. And my parents… well, they’re getting older, you know? It’s a lot. And I’ve been a stay-at-home parent for SO long, I feel like I’ve lost my own damn self somewhere in all the carpools and meal prep. Not that I regret it! The kids are great. But now it’s just… quiet. And I try to talk to him. I really do. About what we’re going to DO with our lives now. About how I feel like I need something more, something for ME. Or even just about moving to a smaller house, or what we’re going to do when my mom can’t live alone anymore. Big stuff, you know? Future stuff. Feelings stuff. And every SINGLE time, it’s like a switch flips. He just… starts talking about his work. Some new project, some coding problem, some bug he’s trying to fix. Like it’s the most IMPORTANT thing in the world. And I just sit there, nodding. Smiling. Pretending to be interested in whatever API he’s talking about. Like I even understand half of it. It’s like he can’t even HEAR me. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to. And then I wonder if it’s me. Am I boring? Am I just nagging him? Maybe I’m not saying it right. Or maybe… maybe this is just how it is for people when they get to this age. We just kinda exist alongside each other. Humans are weird. We want to be close, but then when it gets too close, or too real, we just… retreat. Into our jobs, into our projects, into anything that isn’t the messy, scary stuff of actually living a life with another person. And I sit here and look at my life and think, is this all there is? Is this what I signed up for? And I feel guilty for even thinking that. After everything. He’s a good man. He provides. But sometimes I just want him to LOOK at me, really look at me, and say, "Yeah. I hear you. What do *we* do next?" Instead of talking about his damn firewall.