i was watching a video my daughter sent me the other day you know one of those quick little reels of her cooking something fancy she made and she’s all laughing and stuff with her friends in the background and it hit me like a train outta nowhere like seeing her so happy and like you know adjusted to that life over there that’s when it just really hit me that she’s never coming back not to live here anyway she’ll visit sure but this isn’t home for her anymore and it hasn’t been for a long time and my boy too he’s got his own thing going on a whole life a whole different language even he doesn’t sound like me anymore when he talks and it’s like i gave them that chance gave them everything so they wouldn’t have to struggle like i did you know all those years working doubles sending every spare dollar across the ocean skimping on myself for their books for their rent for their degrees so they could have A BETTER LIFE and they do they really do have it but it’s just not with me and i should be happy for them i AM happy for them like a mother should be but there’s this emptiness you know like a hollow where my insides used to be and it’s not even sadness really it’s just like a flat feeling an ache that never really goes away like a dull throb in the background of everything i do i go to work at the factory the same one for twenty years punching in punching out the noise the heat the same faces and i think about them my kids living their shiny lives in those big cities with all those opportunities and i wonder if they ever think about me like really think about me when they’re laughing with their friends or eating some fancy food if they remember the sacrifices or if it’s just like a distant memory now just a story their parents told them about the old country sometimes i think maybe it would have been better if they hadn’t gone if we’d all just stayed together even if it meant scraping by even if it meant they wouldn’t have all these BIG DEGREES and those important jobs but then i remember the look in their eyes when they talked about leaving the HOPE the bright future and i know i couldn’t have held them back i just couldn’t it’s just the cost of things i guess the price you pay for wanting more for your kids and now i’m here and they’re there and i don’t know what to do with this quiet in the house this space where they should be it just feels like i’m waiting for something that’s never going to happen