i went to the gym today (finally got a slot when the kids were at my parents' — a literal miracle) and it was actually kinda... sad? like there was this guy, older, probably 70s, clearly used to be super athletic. (you can just tell, right? the way they move, even slow) he was trying to use the leg press, then the lat pulldown, and these younger guys, early 20s maybe, just kept kinda ignoring him. like he’d stand there waiting for a machine and they’d just... not make eye contact. or they’d finish a set and then immediately start scrolling on their phone for five minutes instead of getting up. it was so blatant. i watched it happen like four times. and my chest got really tight. it was like watching a slow-motion car crash of dignity. and i just felt this intense, almost visceral reaction. like, rage? but also this deep, hollow ache. like what is that about? (i swear i need to look up cognitive dissonance later) is it because my dad is starting to get really frail and i see those kids being so dismissive and i just think, is this how people will treat him? is this how people will treat *me* eventually? because i know i’m getting older too, even though i’m only 32. i mean, i feel it in my back already from hunching over laptops and lifting toddlers. it’s just this constant feeling of losing ground, you know? like you’re constantly failing to keep up with work, keep up with the kids, keep up with your own parents who need more help. you barely have time to even EXIST let alone work out. so i just kept watching this guy, this old athlete, and he eventually just gave up on a few machines and went to do some stretches in the corner. all alone. and i just wanted to GO UP TO THE GUYS and SCREAM at them. like, what is WRONG with you? what happened to basic human decency? but i didn't, obviously. i just finished my pathetic 20 minutes on the elliptical (feeling guilty the whole time about not doing more) and left. and now i'm home, kids are asleep, husband's asleep, and i'm just sitting here feeling this weird blend of fury and profound melancholy and i just don't understand why i care so much about this random old man at the gym. like why is this hitting me so hard? it makes no sense. it’s not even my problem.