Is it normal to defend family members who mistreat you?
Many people find themselves in situations where they instinctively protect or make excuses for family members, even when those family members cause them pain. This deep-seated loyalty often stems from childhood patterns, societal expectations, or a desire to maintain family unity. It's a complex emotional response, not a reflection of your character.
Research suggests that over 60% of adults report experiencing conflict with a close family member that negatively impacts their well-being.
See other perspectives
Real stories from the community
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I feel obligated to protect a family member who hurts me?▾
Feelings of obligation often arise from a lifetime of shared history, a sense of duty, or a hope that things will improve. Family dynamics can create powerful, enduring bonds that make it difficult to step away, even when those bonds are damaging.
How can I stop making excuses for a hurtful family member?▾
Recognizing the pattern is the first step. It can be helpful to focus on how their actions affect you personally, rather than trying to understand or justify their behavior. Shifting your focus to your own well-being can help break the cycle of defense.
What if defending them makes the situation worse for me?▾
It's common for defending others to come at a personal cost. When you consistently prioritize someone else's behavior over your own needs, it can lead to increased stress, resentment, and a diminished sense of self. Prioritizing your own peace is important.
Have your own experience to share?
Share Your Story