ok so like i gotta get this off my chest and i know im gonna get ripped apart but whatever and im just like im up late studying for this stupid stats final and my brain is just fried and i cant focus on anything except her again and like its my sister right and shes older than me but seriously acts like shes five and ive been bailing her out since forever and i mean forever and my parents always like oh shes got a good heart and she just struggles and im like yeah she struggles to find a job that lasts longer than three weeks and she just thinks money grows on trees or something and like the latest thing was rent and she calls me up crying and like i cant make rent again and my landlord is threatening eviction and its always something like that and i just hate seeing her cry even though i know its manipulative and i always fall for it and my wife gets so MAD at me and shes like when is enough enough and im like i DONT KNOW but then i just send her the money anyway and its like three thousand dollars this time and im like i need that for tuition next semester and im trying to better myself here you know and then the kicker is like two days later im at a family thing and our cousins are there and shes telling them about how shes living her best life and working on her art and how im such a boring workaholic and like always saving my pennies and never having any fun and she even said like oh little brother he's so old before his time and you should see his apartment its so F-R-U-G-A-L and they all just laughed and im just standing there like a complete idiot and i just wanted to scream but i just smiled and walked away and went and sat with my parents and they were like oh wasnt that funny shes such a character and im like sure mom a character and now im trying to study and all i can think about is that and how im paying for her to live her best life while i pull all nighters and miss out on stuff with my kids sometimes cause im so busy and im forty eight years old and going back to school and im exhausted and i just feel like such a chump and i dont know what to do anymore and im just so tired of it all and like i love her but i also just want her to like grow up already or something and is that too much to ask and like am i a bad person for thinking that and like i just want to graduate already and like not have to worry about all this other stuff and my parents are getting older and i feel like they need more of my time too and im just stretched thin and its just like a never ending cycle and i just dont know what to do and im just gonna fail this exam now anyway cause i cant focus at all.