ok so like i just got off the phone with my mom like twenty minutes ago and it’s 2 am and i cant sleep obviously and i just keep thinking about what she said. she was like oh btw rent is due on friday and i was like yeah i know mom i already sent it and she was like oh and i also need like a hundred for groceries cause i lost a bit at bingo and i just like... froze. bc she does this EVERY time. it's always something. it's never like a lot but it just adds up you know? and i'm here like literally eating ramen for dinner every night trying to save up for a down payment on a house like my dad always wanted me to do. and she knows that. she knows that's like my big goal. but it's like she just doesn't care. and the thing is i can't even say anything bc before my dad like... passed away... he made me PROMISE that i would always take care of her and my sister. like he made me hold his hand and swear. and i did. bc i love my dad and he was like the best. but now it's like this chain around my neck. like i'm working two jobs and going to school full time like i'm barely sleeping and i'm just trying to keep up my grades so i can actually get a decent job when i graduate and it just feels like i'm never gonna get anywhere. like i just sent her another hundred bc i can't say no. i just CANT. and now that's a hundred less for my house. that's like a whole extra week i have to work. for her bingo habit. it's just so messed up. and like i just keep thinking about that house. the one i'm never gonna buy. the one my dad wanted for me. like i see other people my age buying stuff or like going on trips and i'm just here paying my mom's rent and her gambling debts like i'm thirty not twenty. and i know she probably thinks i don't mind but i do. i MIND SO MUCH. i just wish i could like... tell her to stop. but i can't. bc i made a promise. and i just don't know what to do. it's like i'm stuck here forever. i just want to cry but i'm too tired.