i just really needed to get this out cause it’s like 2 am and i cant sleep and my mom’s been on my mind all day. like she works so hard at target all day standing on her feet and then comes home and it's always grandmom grandmom grandmom. grandmom needs this grandmom needs that. and i know she loves her and grandmom needs a lot of help but it’s literally always on my mom. my aunts and uncles live like 30 minutes away in these huge houses and they just show up once a year for christmas dinner with like a twenty dollar gift card and act like they’re doing everyone a favor. then they leave and it’s back to just us. back to my mom cleaning up everything and trying to get grandmom’s meds straight and driving her to every appointment. and i just sit there. i try to help but it feels like it's never enough. i guess i just feel so bad for her you know. she barely has any time for herself. like she used to love gardening and watching those cheesy reality shows and now it's just work and then grandmom and then falling asleep on the couch. and the worst part is she never complains. not ever. she’ll just say “it’s family” or “we do what we gotta do” and i just wanna scream sometimes. i wanna tell her that it’s not fair that her siblings get to live their lives and she’s just stuck in this cycle. but what am i gonna say? i’m just the kid. i’m supposed to be grateful she’s doing all this. sometimes i wonder if she ever thinks about what her life would be like if it wasn’t always about grandmom. or if she ever gets mad at her brothers and sisters for basically ignoring everything. like they’ll call sometimes and ask “how’s mom doing” referring to grandmom not my actual mom and it just makes my blood BOIL. and my mom just says “oh she’s fine” and never says anything about how tired she is or how much she actually does. it’s just this big secret we all pretend isn’t there for the neighbors and everyone else to see how perfect we are. and i just hate it. i hate that she has to do all of it. and i hate that i can’t fix it.