Post-Caregiving Void: You're Not the Only One

I'm staring at a blank canvas again. …

But it was just… quiet. …

you know sometimes you get off a shift—the smell of hot metal and grease in your hair—and that THING that kept you going the past ten years it just POOF gone and you're just like... …

i'm 28 and i feel like i just graduated high school?? …

" and I'm supposed to be sad, I guess, but honestly I just feel… empty. …

I keep thinking about the empty chair in the living room. …

That whole situation, after the divorce – the severing. …

i saw him today he was just walking across this field and it was empty and huge like my whole chest just got scooped out and it was so quiet like when all the cars stop at a light and you can hear… …

I feel like a horrible person even typing this out, but I have to get it out somewhere because it’s eating me alive. …

And now he’s gone, and all I feel is… empty. …

And it’s like even when I was at uni, finally, after all those years, I still felt like I was living a double life because I’d be in a lecture on like, astrophysics or whatever and then my phone… …

staring at the dust bunnies, wondering how you even restart a whole career from scratch. …

I find myself staring at this blank canvas. …

I look at my blank canvas – a big one, expensive, I used a credit card – and there's nothing. …

That’s the real kicker, the silence. …

It’s like a background noise, keeps the quiet from getting too loud. …

It's like I’m stuck in this loop, this emotional paralysis where I *should* be feeling something specific, but it’s just… static. …

You ever just… wake up in the middle of the night, and everything feels… hollow? …

I just stood there, staring into his empty room and thinking “what the FUCK do I do now? …

Now they’re sick, and I’m here, alone, eating this bland pasta, and all I can think is, God, what a waste. …