Caregiver Guilt: You're Not the Only One

I own a small business. …

I sort of wish my parents' needs—their care needs—would just... …

I’m thinking about putting my mom in assisted living. …

But she just demands and demands and I'm so goddamn tired. …

I missed the investor call. …

At an actual adult daycare center. …

All the way to the pulmonologist, forty-five minutes each way, plus the two hours we were there. …

She’d fought sleep all day, like a small, stubborn boat against a relentless current, and I'd been the frustrated lighthouse keeper, shining my beam and yelling useless warnings, and trying to steer… …

I saw this art retreat, this amazing painting workshop in Tuscany, I mean, the light there, you can’t imagine, and it was my dream, always, since I was a kid sketching in my grandma's garden, and I… …

A quiet vigil, I suppose. …

standing there, feeling this crushing guilt, like, for even *thinking* about assisted living for your mom, even though she’s driving you absolutely bonkers, and you’re just trying to keep your own… …

And I’m just so… ANGRY. …

Like, I feel so incredibly guilty just thinking it, let alone typing it, but I just… I wish my parents weren’t so dependent on me. …

I saw a picture of her a few days ago on my cousin's Facebook and she looked so much older and her hair was grayer and she looked tired and it just hit me then how much time has passed and how much… …

I feel like shit for this but my mom died a few weeks ago and I'm just relieved. …

I confess, I dread the sound of my phone ringing. …

You know that feeling when you've done everything you can, sent every goddamn penny, but you still feel like a fucking failure because you're not there, with your own parent, every single day, every… …

I don't know if this even counts really but sometimes when mom finally naps after like a particularly long phone call where she's just… you know being mom I actually like sigh in relief you know a… …

It was about taking this person, this family person, to see a doctor and it just messed up everything. …

The whole trip, I could feel the cold dread settle in my gut, like being on a watch in a blizzard, every nerve screaming that I was falling behind, that the chain of command would see it, mark it… …