It’s 02:17, can’t sleep again. The usual… a parade of old ops, faces. But tonight, something else is stuck. That family reunion, yesterday. Or… two days ago now? Everything blends. My sister-in-law, bless her cotton socks, was SO proud of her spread, you know? Turkey carved like a military operation, green bean casserole a mile high, cranberry sauce in that fancy crystal dish… I was under the table, though. My phone, dimmest setting, scrolling. Just… scrolling. Everyone else, all these cousins and aunts and uncles, laughing, shouting over each other, little kids running wild, a few of them even clambering over my legs like I was just another piece of furniture. And I’m just looking at these perfect squares, these… curated lives. Beach holidays, engagement rings, babies in designer clothes. All the smiles, all the ‘living your best life’ bullshit. And it’s not even that it hurts, not exactly. It’s more like… an observation. Like watching a documentary about a species you don’t belong to anymore. Or maybe never did. Am I the only one who feels that way? Like a ghost at their own family shindig? My cousin, bless his heart, asked me about “civvy life,” how I’m “adjusting.” Adjusting. It’s been… what, twelve years since my last deployment? And I’m still just… adjusting. Still feeling like I’m wearing a uniform that no one else can see, even when I’m in a perfectly good button-down shirt that my wife picked out for me. Still feeling like I’m on watch, even when the biggest threat is Aunt Carol's questionable Jell-O mold. They’re all so… connected. And I’m just there, scrolling through other people’s highlights, while under the table, my own life feels like… a blooper reel, maybe? Or just… static. A low hum. I tried to make conversation, I did. Asked my nephew about school, my niece about her soccer team. Small talk. But it felt like I was reading lines from a script I hadn’t memorized. Like I was trying to speak a language I only vaguely remembered. Is anyone else out there… just floating? Through their own life, through these gatherings that are supposed to be ‘joyful’ and ‘full of warmth’? Because I just feel… flat. Like the whole thing is happening through a pane of very thick glass. And I’m just on the other side. Always.