I just cleaned the kitchen again it’s the third time this week and it's not even Wednesday yet every single day every day I find myself doing it and I just quietly do it because what's the point of saying anything really what good would it do what would even happen if I said something it would just be an argument I just know it would and I can't I just can't deal with that kind of fighting like I avoid fighting with my parents now that I’m here because it’s just not worth it it never changes anything it just makes everyone feel bad and then you still have to live together and pretend like everything is fine I just feel like that's what living is like for me now like this whole new life I was supposed to have at college is just a quieter version of my old life still cleaning up still making sure everyone else is okay still just going through the motions hoping no one notices how tired I am it’s this weird thing because when I was little I always thought I’d be this person who spoke up who fought for things who was really loud and opinionated I mean my mom was always home always there always making sure everything was spotless and cooking every meal and she always said she loved it that it was her thing but I remember thinking like no way that's not going to be me I’m going to have a career and do all these exciting things and here I am like a mini version of her just quietly cleaning up someone else’s mess because it’s easier than saying anything and I feel so stupid about it I really do because this is supposed to be MY time my big chance to figure out who I am away from all that and instead I’m just repeating the same patterns it’s this cycle this endless cycle and I know it's just dishes and crumbs and spills I know that I really do it’s not the end of the world but it feels like it sometimes it feels like it’s this giant weight this constant reminder that I’m not who I thought I would be that I’m just still here still being the quiet one still doing the invisible work and no one even notices no one even sees it and I guess that’s the point right that’s why I do it so no one has to notice so no one has to feel bad because that’s what we do as humans we just take on all this stuff so everyone else can be comfortable even if it means we’re not and I’m just so tired of being that person tired of being the comfortable choice for everyone else