Apathy guilt: You're Not the Only One

I saw this thing happen today at my internship and it's been bugging me all night like seriously bugging me even tho I'm supposed to be asleep cuz I have school tomorrow but I just keep thinking… …

I guess I feel like a total monster, sitting there, nodding along while my grandma talks about her latest aches and pains, all I can think about is getting back home to my games, like, a PART of me… …

Like, a simmering, gut-wrenching kind of rage that I can’t quite place, but it feels like it’s aimed directly at my own stupid decisions. …

I recall noting, with a certain clinical detachment, that his voice cracked precisely three times during the recounting of a specific anecdote involving a charity bake sale. …

I just broke it off with Mark, a genuinely good man—a really *kind* man, the kind my therapist would call a "green flag" I guess—and all I feel is… nothing, just this hollow fucking relief, like I’ve… …

That young man, I saw him, after that brutal critique from — well, we all know who I mean, don’t we? …

I remember her face, the way her eyes went wide when I told her it was over. …

Or rather, I broke up with him, like, three days ago, but he’s just now getting the last of his stuff from my place – mostly just a couple of books and that stupid enamel camping mug he loved, the… …

You know sometimes you scroll past, like, a headline — some awful shit, famine or whatever — and you're sipping your fancy coffee, right? …

I saw a headline today, another flood somewhere terrible, and I barely registered it beyond a flicker of something — not quite pity, more like a vague sadness — before I started planning lunch. …

I feel RELIEF. …

I feel like such an absolute MONSTER today I really do and I can't even tell my friends here because everyone knows everyone and they’ll all think I'm some sort of awful person and maybe I am but I… …

There were no raised voices, no tears from me, only a quiet, almost surgical removal of a life we’d built together. …

i just had to get this out i guess (it's 2 am i cant sleep) and im still thinking about it from earlier when i saw the news pop up about that huge earthquake overseas and people are losing everything… …

You ever been at one of those big, somber family events, like a funeral for a relative you haven’t seen in twenty years, and you’re supposed to be all choked up and reflective, but your mind is just…… …

Am I the only one who sits there, listening to the litany of aches and pains—the hip, the knee, the damn digestion—and all I can think about is the video game waiting for me at home? …

I saw this news report about the famine today, just scrolling through while drinking my stupidly expensive oat milk latte, and I felt… nothing, really. …

, Turkey or Syria, but i'll avoid specific country names to keep it generic in this example for broader applicability] somewhere far away, total devastation, you know? …

She was nice, I guess, from what I remember, baked really good lemon bars at Christmas once, but I mostly just know her from family pictures and the occasional Christmas card. …

relief a quiet hum of relief and it makes me question everything like am i broken what does this say about me that i can just walk away from someone who loved me so well and feel nothing but this… …