I had a delivery tonight, over the new bridge, during that downpour. And for a good five minutes, my brain just... fixated. Not on the road, not on the next turn, but on the physics of the van veering, the concrete barrier giving way, the drop into the black water. It wasn’t a fear of death, exactly, more like an abstract contemplation of the *act*. We talk about intrusive thoughts, but this felt different, almost... diagnostic. Like, here I am, ostensibly building something, driving for extra cash so we can have a little more, and my subconscious is running disaster simulations. What is that, exactly? A morbid fascination, a perverse form of escapism, or just a symptom of something deeper, a quiet yearning for... *disruption*? I feel immense guilt even articulating it, especially when the kids are sleeping upstairs and my partner thinks I’m just tired.