i dont even know where to begin like its 2 am and my brain is just going a million miles an hour and i just need to get this out before i burst or something you know it’s about my dad mainly he’s always been… a lot like chronically unemployed is probably the gentlest way to put it a burden is another way to put it always asking for money always needing a place to stay always some new scheme some new reason why *this* time it’s going to be different and me being the oldest or whatever always feeling like i had to be the responsible one the one who picked up the slack even though i’m barely keeping my own head above water with these stupid freelance gigs and inconsistent paychecks and the constant hustle it’s exhausting so for the past like almost five months he’s been living with me in my tiny one-bedroom apartment that i can barely afford as it is and it’s been hell honestly like just constant stress and mess and him not respecting my space not respecting my schedule not contributing anything ever and i’m busting my ass trying to make enough to pay my own rent and buy food and keep the lights on and he’s just… there taking up space eating my food complaining about how i dont keep enough snacks in the house like dude it’s MY apartment and MY money and then a couple weeks ago he got this construction job right like a real one with a crew and a paycheck and everything i was skeptical obviously because it’s my dad but i tried to be supportive tried to be optimistic and then just a few days ago like on tuesday he calls me and he’s like hey i got paid and i’m not coming back to your place i found a room to rent like just like that no warning no discussion just gone like he vanished into thin air leaving behind a bunch of his crap and an empty feeling that i cant quite place and i should be relieved right i SHOULD be doing a happy dance like YEAH finally my apartment is mine again and i can breathe and i can focus on my own life for once but instead i just feel… this emptiness this weird hollow spot where the stress used to be and it’s replaced with this quiet kind of despair like am i a horrible person for feeling this way for almost not caring that he’s gone for not worrying that much about what he’s doing because honestly for the first time in forever i just feel a WEIGHT lift from my shoulders and i dont know if that makes me a terrible daughter or a finally free human being and it’s making me sick to my stomach